"Stupid" Sarah McLachlan

I was listening to this song and it just seemed to make a lot of sense. I love it!
The chorus makes so much sense its a bit scary even. In retrospect things are so clear, they make so much sense.
We wonder how we could have ever been so confused. Or I do at least. What stupid choices we/I can make when our/my judgement is clouded.
Then her voice is just amazing. So anyways i love this song. thats all. night.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-FzcODuqXiQ

"Stupid" Sarah McLachlan
Night lift up the shades
Let in the brilliant light of morning
But steady there now
For I am weak and starving for mercy
Sleep has left me alone
To carry the weight of unravelling where we went wrong
It's all I can do to hang onto keep me from falling
Into old familiar shoes

[Chorus]
How stupid could I be
A simpleton could see
That you're no good for me
But you're the only one I see

Love has made me a fool
It set me on fire and watched as I floundered
Unable to speak
Except to cry out and wait for your answer
But you come around in your time
Speaking of fabulous places
Create an oasis
Dries up as soon as you're gone
You leave me here burning
In this desert without you

[Chorus]

Everything changes
Everything falls apart
Can't stop to feel myself losing control
But deep in my senses I know
[Chorus]

hello

Today's fortune:Your love life will be happy and harmonious

aha i read this and laughed. and decided yes it will. because first off i am not going to just like anyone and i wont have one for a while lol. because i decided i have to know the person very well first or something like that. i'll get references like for a job hahaha and check up on them and their background and everything lol. anyways that was totally random!
ttyl! byee!

found.

call it found

ahh yay! i have finally talked to my long lost friend. it was awesome. she has no idea, but she is someone i truly love and respect shes amazing. she's a really strong person, well maybe she isn't but she always seems collected... she has the ability to rebound quick, and shes the opposite of me...but also in many ways we are the same. i havent thought about her in lately but today i did. and well there she was. so im just hoping and praying that we can slowly but surely pick up where we left off and that we can and will be close again. but i also know things happen and people change. i think of everything she's been through then i look at my own life and think how can she just go on like that? she really truly is an amazing person. and if i had an ounce of her strength then everything would be and would have been different. i've missed her. oh well i wont get my hopes up too high but i hope that things will work out.

can't sleep

its 12:43 am and i cannot sleep. because my head is filled with thoughts and i can't stop thinking.
so its finally tomorrow. 23 hours and 17 min left until i can say the days over. desperately looking forward to that and then i can say 'i did it'. and if you don't know what im talking about just ignore that.

so i realised im probably the most stubborn person ever. who refuses to admit anything, even if i know somethings true I will deny it.

the truth does weird things to people. people can often anticipate and fret the moment their secrets are revealed but after the initial worry wears off it can be a relief. well the worry is still there so its not a relief...yet.

in a bit of a weird situation now and i don't know what to do. i know what i have to do but its not what i want. i'll do it anyways...so i can one day reach the finish line.

its funny how we lie to ourselves and trick ourselves into believing things that are untrue. its weird how we believe we have control when in reality we are letting something else take over our lives and we have no control.

its truly bizzare.
secrets, lies, truth...

maybe i'll write another post later when my thoughts actually make some sense. nite bye...!

The Notebook

I came across a bit of the Notebook on youtube. Such a good movie. I love Noah haha if you want to ignore the rest of this post do so but read the bolded parts they're the best.

Young Noah: It's not about following your heart and it's not about keeping your promises. It's about security.

Young Allie: What's that supposed to mean?

Young Noah: [yelling] Money. He's got a lot of money!

Young Allie: You smug bastard. I hate you for saying that.

Young Noah: You're bored Allie. You're bored and you know it. You wouldn't be here if you weren't.

Young Allie: You arrogant son of a bitch.

Young Noah: Would you just stay with me?

Young Allie: Stay with you? What for? Look at us, we're already fightin'

Young Noah: Well that's what we do, we fight... You tell me when I am being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you are a pain in the ass. Which you are, 99% of the time. I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings. You have like a 2 second rebound rate, then you're back doing the next pain-in-the-ass thing.

Young Allie: So what?

Young Noah: So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day. Will you do something for me, please? Just picture your life for me? 30 years from now, 40 years from now? What's it look like? If it's with him, go. Go! I lost you once, I think I can do it again. If I thought that's what you really wanted. But don't you take the easy way out.

Young Allie: What easy way? There is no easy way, no matter what I do, somebody gets hurt.

Young Noah: Would you stop thinking about what everyone wants? Stop thinking about what I want, what he wants, what your parents want. What do YOU want? What do you WANT?

Young Allie: It's not that simple.

Young Noah: What... do... you... want? Whaddaya want?

Young Allie: I have to go now.

Summer romances begin for all kinds of reasons, but when all is said and done, they have one thing in common. They're shooting stars, a spectacular moment of light in the heavens, fleeting glimpse of eternity, and in a flash they're gone.

Quote

So I got this from a friend of mine and thought it was pretty cool. Thought I'd share it. Enjoy [hopefully lol.]

Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So love the people who treat your right, forget about the ones who don't and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said it's be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.

stop looking back and start looking forward.

okay so i was talking to a friend of mine today and i have made a descision which i have said i will follow through with only like a gazillion times before. but this time i actually think i can do it. i hope. because the past is well the past u can't do anything about it. but the future. now thats pretty sweet. its full of endless possibilities. and things happen when you least expect it. so maybe if i stop looking for something to replace whats gone and just move on then something amazing will just come along and BOOM happen. so for a while i think its best if i just trust in God that whatever is happening He'll just deal with it and that i won't have to worry so much and work so hard to make sure everything's gonna be alright, and concentrate a bit more on myself, ya and basically stop stressing myself out trying to help everyone else. i think that's what i will do. yes i will. mhm. i will indeed. wish me luck cuz im definitely going to need it.

i think one of the reasons its so hard for people with addictions to stop something is because its what they're used to, u know? like they've kinda forgotten that there are other options and better ways to deal with things, because really what they're doing is hurting themselves, because they are so deep in it that they can't escape and they don't want to even because its like an escape. A distraction so they don't have to think about themselves. and i don't want to say i do that but i guess sometimes i do. i distract myself with something else because its easier to help someone else often times than to help yourself.

so im going to try this now. and im hoping it will work. ~Bye~

bad hair day...

so why is it that when people say something i tend not to believe them? ever happen to you?
like they say something about you whether it be good or bad i tend not to believe them.

i suppose today was a very very off day. i blame it on the horrible hair that i walked around with all day (because everyone knows that if u have a bad hair day the rest of your day can follow suit).

so anyways i was thinking about this. and i thought hm. okay so why don't i believe them ever? i could lie to you and say i have no idea why but in truth i have a pretty good idea. nevertheless unless a thought or notion is drilled into my head (me being rather stubborn at times) i will refuse to believe, admit, accept whatever has been said. but anyways i realised that i should stop this ridiculous behavior if i ever want to get anywhere.

this brings me to my next point. things are easier said than done. we have a rule no one's supposed to feed the dog human food cuz we don't want her begging all the time. well of course when she looks so cute wagging her little tail we have all succumbed to temptation and given her a yummy little (or big) treat, i mean how can you resist? so my dad the biggest enforcer of this rule is always after my grandma for giving the dog food. and when caught giving the dog food (i mean feeding the dog right out of her hand) she will say
"no i didn't give the dog food! of course not me never!!!"
"we just saw you"
"no u didn't"
"yes we did"
"oh that it just dropped"
"you were feeding the dog out of your hand"
"no i wasn't"
"yes you were"
"no of course not i was just wiping her mouth"
"well when she gets sick later you're cleaning it up"
"oh she wont get sick"
2 hours later
"whats this?how did she get sick if you didn't feed her?"
"oh maybe the food dropped on the ground how should i know?
so you see this little scenario is rather annoying and repetative and my grandma always denies even if caught. well today guess what? i saw my dad giving the dog cheerios! so yes things are easier said than done.

well thats all for now. Nite nite xoxo Nikki

Adventures with Yip, Pregrad and Kremma <3

Nikki Flores rocks!

Nikki Flores (born 17 October 1988) is an American singer. Discovered by manager Bruce Johnson, Flores was signed by Sony Music honcho Donnie Ienner after performing for him live in his office. He was so taken by the young singer/songwriter that he signed her immediately. In 2005, she released her first single, "Strike", written by Denise Pearson of the British pop group Five Star. This year, Flores will release her debut album This Girl which showcases her writing skills and vocal ability. Flores is currently signed to Epic Records. On March 15 Nikki's MySpace Announced three new songs: "Selfish", "Painkiller" & "Insecure". The first of three features production by Jonathan "J.R." Rotem who also produced and co-penned "Don't Know What You Have" with longtime collaborator Evan "Kidd" Bogart.

- Wikipedia

I heart Nikki Flores she's so pretty and she has the same name as me. Now isn't that lovely?

This Girl, I Wanna Know You Like That, Painkiller (songs i just downloaded =] ) haha wow anyways I like her so should you www.myspace.com/nikkiflores enjoy! lovelove ~Nikki

hmm

okay what to write....im not sure as nothing too exciting has happened.
recent not excitign events that have taken place are the following
1. yearbook is over. and completed.
2. i downloaded all the what not to wear podcasts on my ipod as well as modtv and elle vogue and something else.
3. i painted my nails.
4. i applied for jobs which i know i will not get.
5. i babysat soemthing i never do. especially not with actual babies.
6. i forgot about this. i went to bellingham and realised how true that is about americans. i love canada.

i believe they should make muzzles for babies yes i love them but they can cry better than a screamo screamer can scream. reasons why i don't want a baby
1. you get very fat and even after its out your 'glowing' skin doesn't look so glowy anymore. more like sticky sweat. and u can no longer fit into that perfect dress that you simply adore. nor can u buy the same dress in a different size because it doesn't come in sizes bigger than small. and you are huge.
2. its like your constipated but you're not and its stuck like that for nine months. causing you to have to go to the bathroom all the time. hahaha french. oh good times.
3. morning sickness. what can i say but ew
4. no sleep. yes i tend to say i can sleep when i'm dead i have better things to do than sleep. but when you're sleep deprived you go crazy. take it from me i get very little sleep and end up doing extremly retarded things. and lookign like a terrible mess. and this is not fun. especially when you're in the middle of a math exam and you're halfway through a question and you almost fall asleep.

now after all this horribleness. i still love kids. maybe one day i'll actually want some of my own that i don't just play with for a few hours and return to their owner i mean parents when they cry.

but who knows. i mean there might be pros of having children...for example being able to dress them up. that is very fun. and taking pictures of them and watching them experience new things with a total look of amazment in the world.

now let me tell you this, if i have a child which i most likely will (unless i become a cat lady whose very bitter at the world or one of those crazy couples that believe that having a dog is the same as having a child. ) i will dress them up and have matching clothes and paint their room. decorate it. make all the other mothers very envious of my little darling. i will go to the states and buy them one of those creepy dolls they make to look like you (if u want one go to American Girl). i will do all that. and more because how can you not?

anyways i must be off. lovelove nitenite x's and o's and may you be blessed enough to create a baby muzzle. ~Nikki

Going to church in a few min...but instead of getting ready lets post a blog

Guatemala! I lovelovelove Guatemala! I love everything about it. The people, children, colors, sounds, scents, tastes, even the air! It was amazing. These are some children from a village/town called Yepocappa where we spent 2 nights, and built a fence around a local school that is supported by P.A. much love! hasta manana ~Nikki

bored already

okay its 7:10 am and i'm already bored like what do i do with all this time? hmm.... this is so not cool. lalala i wish i was back in yepocappa right now just so i could walk outside the gates that protected the hotel and go an play with the kids. sigh...going to try to find something to do.

I'm Back!

Oh my goodness where do I start? I can't even begin to describe my trip it was phenomenal.I love my team so much I don't even have words to express. God brought all of us together from all different backgrounds and places. None of us really hung but spending 11 days together in Guatemala made us basically inseperable. Our team was praised for getting along and bonding so well together. It didn't matter who you were with because we were all having such a good time. Also I love the enthusiasm of our team which Bob joked about (but actually it was so true) "We tell you guys to get out of the car to walk up the hill and you all say OH BOY IM SO EXCITED WE GET TO WALK UP A HILL!" (as if its the most exciting thing in the world and not just walking up the hill...skipping)

Songs

Todo lo puedo en Cristo
Todo lo puedo en El
Todo lo puedo in Cristo
Todo lo puedo en El
Filipenses 4:13
Porque Cristo me fortalece
Filipenses 4:13
Porque Cristo me fortalece

Adentro Afuera Arriba Abajo
Que feliz estoy
Adentro Afuera Arriba Abajo
Que feliz estoy
Pues Cristo me salvo y mi corazon limpio
Adentro Afuera Arriba Abajo
Que feliz estoy

Oh negro negro fue
mi pobre corazon
la sangre carmesi
me limpia que bendicion
ahora blanco si estoy
a el la gloria le dare
en calles de oro yo se
con Cristo yo andere
en calles de oro yo se
con Cristo yo andere

Since im so not in a writing mood I'm gonna finish up
prayers
stephanie and her family
juan carlos and elizabeth
bob and shirley
panpan aka pedro
kevin
mercy
the woman on the prayer walk
everyone on my outreach team
the children of Guatemala

I should be in bed but instead I'm here.

I just love this picture. Okay so its almost 4 am and I'm not tired although I know I should go to sleep. Oh well whatever I can sleep when I'm dead. haha I'm in a really good mood right now. I'm so thankful to God for everything He has given me, and for the oppurtunity to go on Outreach. I really don't know what to expect anymore and have decided to try and to throw out all my preconcieved notions.

On another note I realised that I have to be more careful of what I wish for because I was just thinking of everything I have wanted over the past year and wished for and how nothing really turned out like I would have imagined. So I think if you do something and expect nothing out of it, and something amazing happens then you will be pleasantly surpirsed, whereas if you go into something having really high expectations you'll get crushed when nothing turns out like you had planned.

So when nothing is going like you had planned...I suppose your supposed to adjust and just go with the flow, but I find it really hard sometimes to just accept something the way it is. I find I'm always trying to change something, make it better. Sometimes this is good but other times its not. Life can be really good if you let go of making everything perfect. Perfection is a state of mind, and once you realise that your better off just trying your best not being perfect you can and will be much happier. You can find beauty in everything, in the good and the bad and the inbetween, if you try hard enough. Strive for the best but when you fall short, which you are bound to do since you are only human learn from your experiences.

Well I better actually try and sleep now. Nite everyone. Lovelove Nikki.

I love this song. Actually I love the girl in this music video shes so cute and I love her clothes lol. Enjoy!

Music Video Codes

7 more days!

Hey everyone! im just trying on things and trying to decide what to take with me to Guatemala but I simply have no clue, because if I could i'd take my whole wardrobe with me and that simply isn't possible. haha. oh well ;) this is going to be the best week ever and in one week today (oh my goodness 1 week) I will be in Guatemala. I'm just so excited! I can't wait to interact with the people there, nor can I wait to see the country itself in all its beauty and wonder. I do know that the places we go to wont be nice (like having marble floors or gorgeous ballrooms or anything like that haha) but I do know that if you look hard enough you can see the beauty in everything. I think that the amount of poverty that I will see will really hit me hard, but I know that it's going to make the trip even more amazing and phenomenal. I really love travelling and seeing different cultures and how people interact with each other, learn traditions other things, I love the colors of a country, the smells, and the tastes. Anyways I better go now. Talk to you later! xoxo love nikki

Milkman!

heehee someones having a great night! c'est moi!!! so i was talking to one of my amazing phenomenal friends and she made sense of everything! I *heart* this girl so much! she told me about this thing and i told her about this thing and it was amazing how we both think the same! =] we decided we should just do things when we feel like it or else the moments gone and once its gone it doesn't come back.

so you all know i am not perfect, far from it. haha and yes i do some pretty stupid and sometimes spontaneous things (and if you haven't seen me do it well just you wait and see) and sometimes things that i really shouldn't haha and yes i know they are bad to do but i don't know they are fun. i think we should forget the rulebook at times just chuck it out the window and do what we want cuz when we do some pretty great things can happen. and haha i seriously wish i liked someone like seriously can someone just come! cuz if they did and i liked them i know exactly what i'd do (its kinda a secret haha) but i don't so i have to save my little plan for a while...haha but when the chance comes i will definitely take it because i learned my lesson, once the moments gone you can't just get it back, so take your chances when you have them.

(oh i just thought of something don't do something totally unreasonable because that might cause some problems like for example if you have a crush on the milkman - haha a milkman lol- don't just go up to the milkman and bring him a cow and say hey milkman im in love with you so here's a cow and a bucket the milkman might just think you're crazy and never come back and then you will never get your milk again will you? then you'll get osteoperosis because of a calcium deficiency.hahaha)